We had an arranged marriage (Indian and I’m 34 and my wife is 30), and by some stroke of luck, we found ourselves quite compatible and comfortable with each other. We’ve built a happy life together. We are both financially secure, but we don’t have anything to spare either. We are just comfortable. After serious consideration, we concluded that we are not interested in having kids, and our financial situation currently suits that decision. Seven years into our relationship, we have never felt the need to reconsider this choice. If we ever decide we want children and are in a position to raise one, we can adopt if having a biological child is impossible.
However, my parents ( who were toxic my entire life) cannot accept this. I have always told them that we are not trying for kids, never lying to them. If you don’t know Indian parents…they are so controlling. Recently, they consulted an astrologer ( I know its terrible)who told them that my wife horoscope indicates she cannot have children, and everything exploded from there. My father called me and unleashed a series of insults, calling me names and labelling my wife a manipulator. Called me an educated fool for not continuing my blood line. I probably shouldn’t repeat everything he said. I tried to calmly explain our decision, but when they didn’t understand, I got angry and ended the call. I know this probably won’t be the end of it.. Next will be emotional manipulation. Crying and crying and what not!! I am dreading it so bad..
It took me a long time to recover from the effects of manipulation and gaslighting they have done their entire life .
Don't know why this is on here, but I'm ok with it.
I'm Aussie and I respect Indians, hard working, do the jobs Aussies refuse to do.
You are in a state of cultural change. Indian cultural values and the Aussie way. You need to adapt to the culture of your adopted country, and you are doing the right thing at the moment. Good on you. Your parents will adapt too, eventually.
Wish it was that easy…Indian community is harsh on children who ignore their parents, no matter how toxic they are. But I’m really trying .Originally Posted by harry444
My parents have made me self doubt everything and trashed my confidence my whole life. I am not ready to throw my progress l away but I still feel like shit for making them sad ..which is stupid..but I do for some reason.
This is my parents..My in laws did put up a fight but after a lengthy discussion they accepted the decision.
So have you had any good tug experiences you can share?
The closest i have been to a Massage RNT is a Yoga studio .
My wife only taught at one place. The job was so demoralizing. I don't know if it' the
studio's vibe, the general clientele
(at this specific studio it's a rich people space who are aspirational city types), or
if it's teaching Yoga in itself.
Maybe she will start feeling differently
about teaching if she moved onto another studio. She is currently applying to
other studios to see if it makes a difference.
Its her passion it really not mine . I don't care about fitness in itself, I see it
as a means to achieve something else.
She started teaching Yoga because she thought she could bring it back to my
own specific community of underserved
and disenfranchised people and wanted to make it more accessible to us, a lot
of people are physically broken
and poor and injured. She has already have passive income that can keep her financially stable.
This her charity and giving back to the community .
This is developing into a TV soap opera.
I have a son that I haven't seen for 5 years. It doesn't really bother except maybe times like fathers day. But I find it no big deal. The image you describe of Indian parents, I find disgusting. If it were me, I would just walk away. Hard for you, I know, but needs to be done.
It seems i am stuck in a loveless marriage and having sleepless nights .
I found out that she has been trashing me to her friends and making me out to be some monster .
She has been saying i have
1. A hatred towards our dogs as I'm jealous of the affection she gives them ( i was bitten by
dog as child she knows that )
2. Am nosey and always checking up on her ( She know i have allergies and diabetes
and have dietary requirements when preparing meals )
3. Have erectile dysfunction ( She agreed with me we don't want kids )
4. Continuously grumpy ( stressful job and driving Uber weekends )
5. Wouldn't pay for her beauty treatment ( i am not paying for botox )
6. Chat up the divorcee's around our neighbourhood ( no need to be jealous as they are just clingy for attention )
7. Don't pay for her to have holidays and many others. ( i don't like cruises )
I have reservations about who i married a i have suspicions who has been influencing her .
What she has been saying is all completely at odds with the conversations we had.
The stress has accelerated my balding and turning my remaining hair grey .
I don't want to go and disprove all these things to strangers, as all hell
would break loose if my parents or relatives found out .
But I'm utterly confused about who I've been married to for the past 7 years.
I know she has been listening to those plastic wannabe Bollywood House
Wives from the Pilates Studio .
These last 7 yrs were the best part of my life, and now it seems like I was living in a deceit web
of lies . Where I thought everything was OK but behind the scenes was a different story.
Its made make extremely sad .
Is this a normal woman thing, to completely trash one's husband to all and sundry whilst
being loving and tender to his face?
And why don't her friends tell her to get real, that she's well loved and looked after? instead of just agreeing ?
What she said about me is unforgiveable .
For sake of my sanity i confronted my wife with the facts .
She denied at first but when i would tell her parents she broke down ,
She told me schizophrenia and OCD runs in her family and she has a brother i have never met .
She told me she did reveal him because of his mental condition because afraid i would be scared away ,
She told the real reason she doesn't want children as she was afraid they could inherit the condition,
She told ,me who parents were mentally abusive to her during childhood and don't deserve grandchildren.
Unfortunately the damage done to people when young is hard to undo, seems to apply to you both.
For both of your sakes, you need to have each others backs from here on.
I think my wife has an undiagnosed bipolar disorder . I'm not sure though because it has only came out when she drank heavily which has started this ordeal has worsened. I know she has suffered badly since a child and still today because of them.
But she must understand I have been working so hard nonstop my whole life , sometimes i thought
I was one of the hardest worker on earth.
Only to mostly suffer and hang on the edge and be treated badly. I am now finally tired for the first time in my life. I honestly have literally functioned like an Olympian in many ways and beyond despite everything my whole life. My mind cannot any longer roll on this robotic meaningless suffrage hamster wheel of hell any longer. I can no live a happy life smelling the roses and pretending everything is sweet .
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