I think that one of the things we can do is learn from the lady, ladies are different but the best approach is to start softly and gently and slowly.
It seems to me it doesnt matter if its kissing, lips, tongue etc, or kissing body and breasts or nipples or performing daty or even penetrative sex.
As a guy if you think its soft then it probably isnt make it even softer and slower and be gentle.
Listen to the lady her body will tell you if you have it right and if your not sure ask her do you like it harder? softer or just say how do you like it.
Its better to ask than to get it wrong.
Most girls like daty really soft occasionally you will find one that like it soft to start and harder as she gets excited, but don,t assume this is the case again her body and actions will tell you.
Work the whole pussy lick and if you suck do it gently and check if the girl seems to like being sucked some do some don't and dont bite the girl.
I love daty go and enjoy remember the more the lady enjoys it the more you will.
Most ladies are happy to guide you if you ask.