An original poem of the classical tradition.
All considered comments and critiques are welcome.
Lucifer’s Prison:
What can be said that has not been spoken,
What treasures are left to find,
And who can bring great words, not token,
From deep within their mind.
It is now world’s way to let us speak and provide,
And to create a thunderous din,
So loud that we cannot easily divide,
Sacred truth from mortal sin.
We let them dance so long before us,
With their evil, wanton eyes,
So that we leave virtue’s garden with little fuss,
Until our minds are left broken and dry.
They divide by design to weaken our souls,
And they work their spells too well,
So that the stories of old cannot be told,
Leaving a descent into the bleakness of hell.
Yet hope springs eternal with every dawn,
And minds can soon be enlightened,
To raise up their hearts with each new morn,
And stop cowering, weak and frightened.
Speaketh the words that brighten the soul,
To make our hearts and spirits risen,
Take us from the dark night cold,
And from the walls of Lucifer’s prison.
Cheers.....
Looking forward to your considered opinions.
There's nothing inherently wrong with rhyming poetry if its done well. You don't do it well. Your reliance on paired rhymes and its forced meter makes your poetry sound childish and unpleasant to read. My advice - experiement with free verse and see how that turns out. Also, you have a sterile and uninteresting personality so perhaps try to find your creative inspiration from the outside world rather than from within your own mind.
My catalogue of poetry includes all styles: blank verse, rhyming pairs, rhyming non-pairs, prose and various others.Originally Posted by greybeard_
You seem to suggest that rhyming poetry is somehow inferior to blank verse or prose. It is an opinion prevalent
in many who don't write or understand poetry. I like rhyming poetry as I like prose, I make no judgement on style,
but rather the content. Blake, Wordsworth, Tennyson, Coleridege all included rhyming poetry in their repertoire.
Your comment, as with many others of yours I'm afraid, suggests you're not a happy chappy, and that you have
a preference for spreading bile.
By the way, most poets I know find rhyming poetry to be easily the most difficult style in which to operate.
Many so-called poets who concentrate on prose, do so because they are unable to undertake the heavy load of rhyme.
First sentence of my previous comment:
You're too kind to take such an interest, sugarplum.
Yeah, I'm not particularly interested enough and that supersedes - think I'll stick to what I know.
I'm not much of a poetry critic therefore, as I've said everytime one of these is posted. When it comes to such postings I'm more interested in the perhaps lesser art of entertainment and amusement, and this one, like the others, qualify in that regard for me.
Greybeard's considered comments show that he also gave some attention to the poem. (Smilinggiraffe you'll have to wait for a more considered analysis from me.)
I'm greatly amused by humbleness deficits because you are never quite sure how much irony is part of the self-praise. In my case fuck all!I think just about everything is worth a laugh though, so even a perceived lack of humility tickles my funnybone. Few get away with it: success is proportionate to the wit with which it is practiced - as with Muhummad Ali and Oscar Wilde.
(Wilde for example, visiting the US for the first time on a speaking tour, was asked at customs if he had anything to declare.
"Only my genius" he replied.
You don't have to be as good as them, but you can aspire, and even succeed occasionally.
Hi All,
Consider my poem:
There once was a tranny named Sandy
Who had a daytime job as a nanny.
Although she changed nappies quick
She had a small prick
But she claimed her arse was just dandy.
Steven
This shows promise, did I inspire you or have you been practising for a while?
It's somewhat like a limerick, well it is in fact a limerick,
but that's of no matter, there is definite potential here.
And the content excites me, I've always wanted to fuck a cute tranny.
I think he means you are the tranny with the small dick
Thanks Sextus, you are so often the voice of reason.....of the subject poem my preferred verse is...Yeah, I'm more interested in the perhaps lesser art of entertainment and amusement, and this one, like the others, qualify in that regard for me.
Greybeard's considered comments show that he also gave some attention to the poem. (Smilinggiraffe you'll have to wait for a more considered analysis from me.)
I'm greatly amused by humbleness deficits because you are never quite sure how much irony is part of the self-praise. (Wilde for example, visiting the US for the first time on a speaking tour, was asked at customs if he had anything to declare. "Only my genius" he replied.
You don't have to be as good as them, but you can aspire, and even succeed occasionally.
"They divide by design to weaken our souls,
And they work their spells too well,
So that the stories of old cannot be told,
Leaving a descent into the bleakness of hell."
I have read how Wordsworth and Tennyson often returned to previous poems and re-wrote parts,
or edited them just a little. Perhaps the above poem is so hot off the press that it requires some editing,
it would be wonderful if Ezra Pound was here to mentor me a little. Good old Ezra, he assisted TS Elliot,
WB Yeats, James Joyce, and Ernest Hemingway.....and few people even remember him.
Nice work Steven! Sublime and powerful poetry. I enjoyed that immensely. Thank you.
And at the risk of stating the obvious, as you correctly note, that was of course a POEM and not a LIMERICK.
I guess Captain Poo failed to take note of your skillfull use of assonance and iambic pentameter. Please ignore the plebians and rest assured that your art is appreciated and understood by a select few.
Bravo!
You are rather easily pleased sugarplum. I guess you're mick, or at least of Irish descent, to appreciate five line limericks.
...cause he'll just explodeNever be rude to an Arab
An Israeli, or Saudi, or Jew
Never be rude to an Irishman
No matter what you do
Never poke fun at a Nigger
A Spic, or a Wop, or a Kraut
And never poke fun at...
and then gets banned again.
Should I start a career in fortune telling business?
Thanks to Terry Jones for the original lyrics
My dear fellow, you really out to have commented on the original post - i.e the wonderful poem.Licker: Should I start a career in fortune telling business?
I know you have an interest in poetic literature and you have shown a lot of promise in the past.
I look forward to your considered comments in the near future, truly.
Well, well, well.
So you're a closeted old queer are you Captain Poo? hmmmm? Is that right?
A closeted dirty old queer with a transexual fetish who doesn't know the difference between a poem and a limerick? Is that what you're telling us sugar plum?
Your a seriously creepy dude ... creeeeepy!
"You are" dear fellow or perhaps "you're" but certainly not "your" please take time with your English.
If you are going to swipe away, please get your English correct when doing so.
'cetainly'?
I assume you mean 'certainly' you illiterate old queer.
If you insist upon being a nit picking pedant at least use the spell check yourself before you hit send
Well done "wannabe." I appreciate your comment. You made a moderate attempt at humour, and you were moderately successful.I think he means you are the tranny with the small dick
This is to be commended.
I'm still waiting for your considered critique Licker, be a good fellow.
Wilisno, you are conspicuous by your absence, be a good chap and make a considered critique of my poem.
I'm interested in your opinion, truly.
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