How badly have I screwed my chances with this girl?
General talk, non-WL related.
So I met this ABC chick about six months ago in a lecture. We are both late 20's. At first we didn't know each other that well, just got introduced briefly. I thought she was ok looking, nothing special, but I did notice her checking me out (not sure why as I consider myself quite average looking). For example, one time we were in a lecture and she was sitting a few rows diagonally in front of me, and that night I had my suit on, and she kept looking back at me.
During one lecture I sat next to her, and we were talking about my textbook and she kept pointing to my book but touched my hand in doing so. Like, many times.
About a month later, we decided to study together every weekend. During these study sessions, we would go for long lunches, and would take turns paying, which was good, because my ex always had me pay for everything, so this was a good change. She would always share/give me food from her plate, which made me think maybe there was something there.
I asked her out, and she seemed excited about it but said she would think about it and get back to me. She never did. From then on, she pulled out of our study sessions with various excuses. After our exams, we had dinner one night because it was my birthday. She bought me a $60 champagne. She told me something very personal, and she said she had only ever told one other person. She said she told me that because she trusted me, but added that she felt like she did not know that much about me. I thought everything was going great until she told me that someone had suggested to her that it was about time she found a boyfriend, and so she was meeting up with a guy the next day for lunch who had liked her for 5 years now. Looking back, I'm not sure if that was just a 'game' to see if I'd get jealous.
She also asked me what I was looking for, like if it was a serious relationship. She asked me what I like in a girl.
Walked her home that night and had a chance to kiss her, but was too nervous.
She went overseas after that, and when she came back she messaged me and we had lunch the next day. Again, she made efforts to touch my hand in some way, like asking for a high five while I was driving. We somehow got talking about engagement rings, and she said she'd accept a cheap ring as long as she liked the guy, and she winked at me as she said this. So I'm thinking, she's showing interest right?
By now I had noticed that, unlike in the past, she hadn't offered to pay for either the dinner or the lunch. Was she treating these as dates?
A week after, we had lunch again. I knew I had to do something because I was afraid of being "friend zoned". I gave her a pen engraved with her name as a gift for passing her exams. I waited all day for the right time to make a move but it never came around. When I drove her home, she thanked me for the day and I said it wasn't a problem cause I liked spending time with her. I asked her if she wanted to meet up next week and she said "we'll see". So somehow I got the vibe that it wasn't so good for some reason.
Two days later I call her and she doesn't call back, which was weird, because she had always called me back within 5 minutes in the past. Next day she still didn't call back and I started to panic - had I done something wrong?
So I asked my friend for advice, and she told me to go to her house with flowers and tell her I liked her, because I was being too indirect. I said that was too full on, but she insisted I do it. So after work, I bought a rose, and called her but she told me she wasn't home. Trying to go with my friend's advice, I tried to control the situation by saying I'd be there at x time, and she got a bit upset asking why I was being so persistent. I backed off and said I'll wait to hear from her.
I knew I had fucked up royally, so an hour later I called her up to apologise. I told her that I had wanted to tell her something on Saturday but didn't get the chance. I told her that I liked her, but that I wasn't sure if she felt the same way. I said I couldn't be friends with someone I liked. I said I had gone through it before, watching my friend meet a guy and later get married and I didn't want to go through it again. She said this was all a bit sudden. I said I wasn't trying to pressure her, but just to let her know how I felt.
She said she cared for me, and was sad to lose me as a friend. I said we had a lot in common, shared the same values and got along well. She agreed with all of that. I said she must've known at some point that I liked her. She said she guessed it when I gave her the engraved pen, because that was a bit too personal for her. So I guess that is why she didn't return my call those two days later. During the talk, she mainly remained silent and allowed me to talk. She said she was sorry if she hurt me, but I said she didn't need to be, because I wasn't trying to blame her. She didn't say anything either way, but I guess that's not a good sign. We said goodbye and I hung up.
So, after all that, I ask for the help of all experienced men here:
1. How bad have I fucked up and what are the chances that I could recover from this?
2. If I want to recover, should I wait for her to contact me, or should I wait a long time before contacting her?
3. Does anyone think she would initiate contact, or am I as good as dead?
4. Do you think an engraved pen is too personal?
5. Do you think it never occurred to her that I liked her before the pen? For me, if a guy asks a girl out, picks her up, pays for the meal, drives her home, that's a pretty good indication that he likes her. Especially if this keeps happening.
6. Does it sound like she liked me at any point in time? Or was it just friends all along?
7. Did I do the right thing by not even wanting to be friends? I honestly couldn't see how we could maintain being friends after telling her I liked her.
Also, would like to hear people's similar experiences about recovering from situations like these.