Open relationship

[JohnJones]

Have anyone here been in an actual open relationship where you're still dating/engaged/married but also seeing other girls?

Women can be complicated when you become as monogamous as possible, so I made a decision to "cheat" on my partner at first. Now that her behaviour has gotten worse I started telling her that I've been dating other girls but she's still my number 1 option for settling down.

At the moment she doesn't like the idea but has to accept the fact that I am seeing other girls for sex & intimacy. I haven't made any promises to the other girls as I know my priority, however I am giving my number 1 partner a chance to correct her behaviour and I will stop dating other girls once I'm satisfied with her changes.

[Hhammer34]

Would love to know what is the behaviour you think she needs to change. Maybe she feels you need to change too.

[Vader]

If your cheating on your partner then odds on she started cheating on you before you started cheating on her.

[Frederic]

“Correct her behavior” ?

I’m sorry but this scenario sounds like one you created and you don’t like her response?

[Double_Adapter]

Open relationships is not for everyone. I remember reading somewhere that open relationships is like a door....if she wants to come in the door is open, if she wants to leave the door is open, just don't let her stand in front of the door and block traffic.

[MrEeus42]

My experience is once it's an open relationship, the girl stops taking it seriously and will leave when she finds a better option. Even if it's a WL, they still want a partner that's monogamous.

[dotcumdotinyou]

Just walk away, its over.

And don't try to make her conform to your idea of the relationship...that's what my ex tried on me and I got the fuck out!

[The Sampler]

Sounds like Andrew Tate material thats being spout all over YouTube at the moment.

[spoonser]

sounds weird and controlling to me... "to correct her behaviour" . you sound like the condecending school principal...

[OLD SNAKE]

once you start cheating on a girl, you are always going to cheat on her, better to break up and find someone fresh who meets all your physical and emotional requirements

[Sydboy65]

I've tried seeing girls in open relationships. There's always some drama. I really don't want to know about their personal life if we are just FWBs

[CharlieM]

once you start cheating on a girl, you are always going to cheat on her, better to break up and find someone fresh who meets all your physical and emotional requirements

OLD SNAKE, you are this Forum's resident relationships expert. You must have a vast experience in the partnered world. Maybe they can start a whole new section just for you where you can offer advice for all the Punters in a relationship on this forum.

[OLD SNAKE]

OLD SNAKE, you are this Forum's resident relationships expert. You must have a vast experience in the partnered world. Maybe they can start a whole new section just for you where you can offer advice for all the Punters in a relationship on this forum.

thanks for the compliment CharlieM,

[JohnJones]

Classic John Jones post.

Chances are she may not even realise she is in a relationship with him.

Hey buddy, didn't you message me a while back trying to spam advertise all the J girls in Ginza or something? You mentioned having your previous account banned for being a dick. Lol what a pretentious prick.

[JohnJones]

I've tried seeing girls in open relationships. There's always some drama. I really don't want to know about their personal life if we are just FWBs

Thanks buddy, that was a much better constructive reply there compared to some triggered responses.

Yeah true, it gets really complicated when they start telling you about their personal life, all you want to do is to get down and dirty and only talk about favourite restaurants or bars.

I got one Thai girl who at the moment doesn't mind that I only see her once a week or so. At least I know what to expect when I see her, and she's probably okay without all that drama for now just because we're in the early stages and I haven't promised her anything just yet.

If however she suddenly starts ghosting me with no replys or stop picking up my calls I'm going to start leaving her and look for another. That's a sign she wants commitment and want you to chase her really hard.

For those telling me to break up with my partner, you really are 40 year old white knight virgins. In a committed relationship women do that out of their hypergamist nature - they want to feel as if they're a queen and you're the slave. This is just me teaching her a lesson in equality, so that she doesn't use her childhood traumas as an excuse for poor behaviour.

Grow the hell up LOL

[wilisno]

Hey buddy, didn't you message me a while back trying to spam advertise all the J girls in Ginza or something? You mentioned having your previous account banned for being a dick. Lol what a pretentious prick.
Good intel ! ;) ;) ;)

[keebab]

This is a punting forum and I punt. So take my comments with the respect that they are sincerely given in.

If you want to look at open relationships, most people recommend the book 'The Ethical Slut' as a good framework to approach this. It is based around being super honest with each other, setting guidelines about what you are both comfortable with and negotiating consent so no one feels exploited, jealous or upset while everyone gets their needs met. It's delicate and challenging thing to balance (as I understand it) but it is possible.

Fucking other people with the intention of guilting/making her jealous in order for her to fuck you satisfactorily doesn't sound like the most healthy place to start from to me.

There are many reasons why a dead bedroom exists including trauma, substance abuse, lack of motivation, and yes, even a spiteful partner. You may also not be the most desirable person to fuck in the first place?

If your girl has no redeeming qualities and she also won't fuck you. It's time to hit the road. Why stay in that situation any longer than you have to?

If you do want the relationship to stay together and improve, the onus will be on you to be the driver of change. My recommendation would be to search The Dead Bedroom Fix on Facebook, get the book or audiobook, join the forum and start working on yourself. You'll find plenty of Aussie based support and stories. If you have kids/property/business entanglements, there are tons of advice and experience. It's been enormously helpful to me. Maybe you can get the best of both worlds, or maybe she's a toxic person who'll never change and you have to hit the road anyway.

Either way, you owe it to yourself to find happiness.

[DrBean]

I think you articulated my own thoughts very well keebab.

A relationship that operates from a place of fear and/or guilt or shame can’t be good for anyone.

John Jones perhaps I’ve misunderstood this post but are you saying this is what you are trying to achieve with your current girlfriend?

[alc]

Sounds like OP is trying to rebalance the power dynamic because he's found that over the years he's been pushed into a corner. Could possibly be because his other half and he settled into a pattern of behaviour whereby she holds things hostage, contingent on his behaviour and he previously obeyed.

Totally taking a guess with the above.

[spoonser]

Thanks buddy, that was a much better constructive reply there compared to some triggered responses.

Yeah true, it gets really complicated when they start telling you about their personal life, all you want to do is to get down and dirty and only talk about favourite restaurants or bars.

I got one Thai girl who at the moment doesn't mind that I only see her once a week or so. At least I know what to expect when I see her, and she's probably okay without all that drama for now just because we're in the early stages and I haven't promised her anything just yet.

If however she suddenly starts ghosting me with no replys or stop picking up my calls I'm going to start leaving her and look for another. That's a sign she wants commitment and want you to chase her really hard.

For those telling me to break up with my partner, you really are 40 year old white knight virgins. In a committed relationship women do that out of their hypergamist nature - they want to feel as if they're a queen and you're the slave. This is just me teaching her a lesson in equality, so that she doesn't use her childhood traumas as an excuse for poor behaviour.

Grow the hell up LOL

**HUGE face plam**

[dotcumdotinyou]

He sounds like a narcissist, not someone you'd want for a BFF

[Sombremask]

Very well said keebab! Actually very insightful

[GoldfishMan]

So OP, let's say you "correct" her behaviour and you stop seeing other girls. What if she reverts back, you gonna start again? It's like a switch you can turn on and off anytime?

Doesn't sound like much of a "number 1 girl" to me, TBH. Chances are, you set up all these rules and "control structure" in this relationship, then lo and behold along comes any number of girls that are better than your current "number 1" (looks, personality, etc) and all this hardwork would've been for nothing. You'd just cheat on her at the drop of a hat.

[Monkeyman98]

Open relationship is a mine field. It might work for a tiny minority but mostly it ends up badly.